Hi – Sorry for taking so long to update.

But there is literally nothing going on and nothing to report.

I am caught in some sort of limbo between sick and healthy – I’m healthy waiting to get sick and at the same time sick, waiting to get healthy.

Annonsørinnhold

Nærmer seg slutten: Januarsalgets beste kupp

So here I sit in my little white room overlooking the courtyard with no birds or apples, wondering if its all a conspiracy against me.  I still have my hair, but have no white blood cells.

I’m not loopy, speaking in riddles and secret codes- this is the actual state of my existence.  Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll be either sick or healthy(er).

In the meantime I thank God that I am still here and have such an awesome support system around me and that much of that support system supports my family who are on the front line taking care of everything while I sit here and wait. I can honestly say I have the best family, friends, church, job, and network a guy could have.  I am truly am blessed.

Sorry I was such a bummer yesterday.  Yesterday was actually a really good day.  I guess I was just feeling a little sorry for myself and missing some of my traditions.  Tis the season.

So I’m still in the hospital, but I’m doing fine and hope to be able to go home for a little while. Of course that all depends on how healthy I stay.  I am supposed to get a fever at some point.

May visited yesterday and swapped out the laundry and took me on a hotdog date. It was so good.  She is  so good and patient and sweet.  If any of you want to send her a card of encouragement please do.  She really has been a rock during this adventure. I love her so much.

Annonsørinnhold

Hårfjerningsapparatet imponerte i test – nå får du unik rabattkode

I found out that one of the nurses here is a YWAMmer. (no names) They’ve been an extra bright spot in an otherwise dreary world. Always nice to be able to talk about God with someone.

I had the gauze removed from my nose. May filmed!!!   Now I can breathe with my mouth closed.

Yesterday was actually full of bright spots.  I can’t name them all here, but God really blessed the Howards yesterday.  We have so much to be thankful for.

I’ll keep it short and let you get back to your turkey dinners. Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

Sorry I haven´t written in a few days. It´s been a rough, boring couple of days. But now I’m back. I’ll give you a quick rundown and then philosophize.

Sunday, I finished my first round of chemo.

Monday, I was wiped out and slept most of the day.

Tuesday, Jakob and Hannah came for a visit and brought me cheeseburgers. They were definitely the bright spot (the kids, not the cheeseburgers). I got a bloody nose that wouldn’t stop and the maintenance crew raked up the apples and now the birds are gone  But apparently the big rat is still there. In the evening they took me to see an eye, ear & throat doctor because that bloody nose had been raging for nearly 6 hours, despite two different clotting medicines and a bag of platelets.  I will not go into detail about what happened in that room, but I came out not bleeding and have one hundred yards of gauze packed into my right nostril.

Now your up to speed. Nothing has happened today except I finished up Andor and am currently watching it snow.

Most of what’s been going on here has been going on inside my head. I was thinking about what I wrote earlier about things being better here this time around. I am so grateful that things are better. Not much in life actually changes for the better. I guess medical treatments improve – My marriage gets better every day, My relationship with Jesus, and probably a few other things, but not much.

When I was kid I was oblivious to what was going on around me, let alone what was going on in the world. If something big was going on I usually only found out about when it interrupted my life, like a new bulletin interrupting my TV show. Life was easy. I played, I watched TV, I slept and went to school. It wasn’t more complicated than that. There weren’t the social pressures kids have today or the material need for every new thing that came out. If saw some awesome new GI Joe or Transformer toy in a commercial, I could want it, but I knew that my chances of getting it were 0, outside of Christmas or my birthday (I guess I could have bought it, but at that age most of my cash came around Christmas and my birthday).

As far as I remember everyone at school was nice to everyone else. We could fight as kids but never over anything important.

We had to wait and be on time. Apparently those are skills which are learned, not just virtues we display. Cartoons were on when cartoons were on. Your sitcom was on when your sitcom was on. If you were doing something else you missed out. Today you can record any show that’s on or stream any one that isn’t, I’m sure that that is a good thing.  Prioritizing and keeping a schedule seem optional today.

With cellphones you no longer have to keep plans. You can call and back out 5 minutes before your commitment starts. You don’t even need to call you can send a text and never have to look the person in the eye or speak to them. The threshold for backing out has been removed.  It keeps people non commital so that if something more fun or perceived better pops up, they can ditch commitment and go to the next until the next and better thing comes along.  I bet that hurts a love feelings and wrecks a lot relationships.

This is the world that are kids are living in and its not an improvement. Ear thermometers are better than rectal thermometers but the world isn’t a better place. And its not because of the climate, or hate or any of the other things we’d love to be able to blame it on. We’re letting the world get smaller and more impersonal and we’re buying into it.  Nothing is special anymore, you can do what you want when you want it with no problem. I wish my kids could experience the magic of the Sears Christmas catalog, wanting something bad enough to save up for it instead of asking for it, I wish they could be out all day, unconnected, with “be home for dinner” as their only instructions. That’s the world I want my kids to live in, even if they don’t have ear thermometers.

I am starting to feel the effects of the chemo therapy. So far it is just headache and drowsiness but I know that the rest of the goodies are just around the corner so I am trying to stay as busy as possible until I can´t be busy anymore. I stay safely tucked in my room with my books, computer and decorations. My niece Oline made me a beautiful card that I hang up on the board and she also made me a nice advent star for my window in case I don´t get any.

Outside my room it´s cold and dark and the apple tree has dropped all its apples. I watch the birds fight over the seeds and flesh, intermittently being disturbed by a giant brown rat running around the court yard.

May came to visit around 2. She brought some of Brendas delicious baked spaghetti. Thank you Brenda!!

You may remember from the first round I blogged that I used to write a little on the bright side segment. I am working on it but I am not quit there yet. Still sifting through a lot of emotions, questions and what nots. I haven´t lost any of my faith, God is still God and I still believe His promises for me. But the state of mind I am in now I’d just be selling you sunshine and rainbows but nothing real.

It’s been a busy busy day today, but we are finally on our way.

I woke up to blood tests, then an IV and a platelet transfusion – all before an 8:00 appointment to have a Hickman chest catheter installed.  After that I took an X-ray to make sure everything was in place and came back to my room to start the first of two daily chemo rounds, followed by an electrocardiogram (ECG) and a visit from May with enchiladas- (which I promptly ate before the nausea from the chemo kicked in).  And it’s not even 3:00 pm yet.  Still lots more to come too.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post I’m back in familiar surroundings here at Rikshospital. This morning I even had a nurse who remembered me from last year. Things are very much the same but there are a few differences from last time.  All for the good.

Annonsørinnhold

Nærmer seg slutten: Januarsalgets beste kupp

The food is a million times better. Last year I was here during what the Norwegians call “fellesferie” (when all of Norway shuts down in the middle of summer and everyone goes on vacation) – anyway no one was maning the kitchen last year and all the food was brought in prepackaged. Take it or leave it.  This time around there is a nice staff in the kitchen (we have our own little kitchen here in the ward) – they make food and if you don’t like what they are serving (chemo patients can be very picky eaters) they will, to the best of their ability, make you whatever whatever you like.

Another difference this time around is that it’s winter, which means its dark and easier to sleep.

But my favorite difference, and this is a big one, is the new ear thermometers.  There were two things I was fearing more than the chemo, nausea, hair loss and general poor health – rectal thermometers and daytime TV.  Last year we had to take out temp twice a day, the old fashion way.  This year we take it in the ear, much more enjoyable.  This was a big relief to me and almost as good news as the doctors gave us yesterday (not really, but I was not looking forward to rectal thermometers)

Daytime TV is unfortunately still daytime TV – so I read and listen to podcasts instead.  I also have my streaming services for when things get desperate.

Considering the circumstances I’m in good spirits.  The ill effects of chemo haven’t kicked in yet and I’m trying to enjoy myself as much as I can until I can’t.

Day One is winding down and I’m going down with it.  But not in a bad way.

We arrived early and got checked in – like checking into a hotel you don’t want to be at.  It all went smoothly – in fact I got the same room (an isolated single room) that I had when I first arrived last year. My phone and PC even reconnected to the wifi without any help from me.  We got some info about what was going to happen and approximately when it would happen.  Having a catheter port installed, starting treatment that evening, jumpstarting my treatment. Shoulders still tense, but at least the wheels were motion.

Then the nurses came. Two students and a registered nurse, there to measure me, weigh me and stick me. Four needle holes and three cotton balls later they had their blood and I knew that I had gained more weight than I should have.  But in hind sight that is a good thing because now I am better prepared to fight my fight and I won’t be quite so scrawny when I’m finished.  But I will try not gain quite so much next time, because I’m not planning on doing this again.

Enter the Doctor

A nice guy. Very positive. Starts out by explaining the process … this kind of chemo and that kind of pill combined with this chemo and another type.  May and her medical brain sucked it all in while I tried to look like I was understanding, while not drooling on myself.  Anyway – bottom line – the big guns are coming out now – Treatment will be kind of the same, but kind of different, combo of pills, shots and chemo – works better than whatever they gave me the first time.  (but this treatment isn’t approved for first timers, only us veterans) – All that will be followed up by a transplant – not sure if its a bone marrow transplant or a stem cell transplant (or if there is even a difference between the two) -But a transplant, which should reset me.  (This is my understanding of things -if you’d like to know what is really going on, please contact May)

Treatment should be a little shorter than last time, but recovery longer.

But none of it will be starting until tomorrow because today’s timeline was scraped do too scheduling conflicts, so I’ve been reading instead.

So after a week of misery and being on edge I (we) can finally sink the shoulders and exhale. Now I’m tired.  It’s pitch black here in Norway by 4:30 pm, so I’m generally ready to go to bed by 7:00 – I might just do that tonight.   Barring any further delays, it’s catheters and chemo tomorrow.  I’ll let you know.

I guess if you are back reading this blog you know my situation.

I’m headed back into the hospital for a new round of chemo treatments tomorrow. I suspect it will be a repeat of the last round but with the added bonus of a transplant at the end -stem cells or bone marrow or whatever they transplant. Although, honestly I’m not sure. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow when I get to the hospital. I’ll keep everyone posted.

I’ve known for almost a week now and have been doing a lot of processing and questioning during that time. I’ll share some of those questions and ponderings in a few days but first I need to get settled in. There are plenty of loose ends to tie up at home and work before I even get to the hospital. Then there are things like ports and IVs and hospital rooms to sort out upon arrival.

Annonsørinnhold

Hårfjerningsapparatet imponerte i test – nå får du unik rabattkode

In the past week I think we’ve managed to assemble to troops and once again there are people all over the world praying for me. I am grateful for everyone who is praying for me, thinking about me and wishing me well. I’m going into this ready for a fight and expecting a full recovery this time. I still believe that God has a plan for this and that He’ll get me through. For better or worse I have a better idea of what to expect this time around – I’m not looking forward to it but I know I can get through it. It’s a long hard road to get there but I can beat it again. Hopefully by spring I’ll be back on my feet and getting healthy.

So sit back. Enjoy the blogg. Laugh, cry, worry and rejoice.

Love you all!