This is May again. Not because Brian is sick, just because there isn´t much happening. He is home from hospital during the days and I drive him there at night. We are half way waiting for the expected fever to come. So far it hasn´t and we are taking every day out of the hospital as a special blessing.
I realized when I was in the hospital this morning that I am starting to get used to cancer. I remember the first few days, before we even new what was wrong and Brian stayed at the unit for cancer and blood diseases. I thought it was so scary and un-settling, being at at that unit and thinking that it was going to be our new “home-away-from-home” for the foreseeable future. Just passing the sign that said “Cancer unit” on the way in was surreal and very sad.
But today, as I was passing the signs on the way in to Brian’s unit and room, I realized it wasn’t scary anymore. Maybe it is because I have done it so many times (like exposure therapy) or I have started to realize that cancer doesn’t automatically mean pain, misery and death. My father passed away of cancer when I was in my early twenties and I also had other friends that have died from this too, so that was much of my experiences going into this. But now, I more feel that this unit is someplace that we have to be for now, it is getting somehow familiar and nothing I associate with “scare” or “fear” anymore. I hope that come mid-September, we dont have to be here anymore, other than for planned check-ups. If it doesn’t go as hoped, we will cross whatever bridge whenever we come to one.
i think much of the reason why it isn’t scary is 1) all the prayers that have been and are being prayed. Thank you, every one of you. And 2) the people working at the units. Both at the National and Regional hospital, the doctors and nurses are all, besides from being very competent, so friendly and empathetic.
So instead of the bright side, I would add a thankful side.
I am so thankful for all the people working at the units Brian’s stays at. They take such good care of both of us, it is really making a difference making this ride manageable.
